In no particular order...

Dear Ann Budd...

I take back most of what I said about you.

I still haven't liked anything I've made from your patterns and your so-called "Handy" pattern book is still not handy, I maintain.

But...

Your "Handy Book of Sweater Patterns" is all I imagined it would be and more. There were actual yardage guidelines in there, and plenty of direction regarding neckline variations.  I'm still disappointed by the first book, but maybe I was expecting too much since it took an entire second book (large too) to give me the info I was looking for.

So, my faith in you is restored.  I know you were worried.

Dear People I Hire...

Stop sucking.  Really.  I don't enjoy firing and I really don't like looking for new employees when the ones I have should, by all accounts, be competent.

I find it hard to believe that you just now found out your performance schedules.  For the record, two of them have been posted since this time last year and the other would have been listed in the group's contract you signed in August.

And if you can't keep track of your rehearsal schedule, maybe it's time to pare it down a little.  That's not admitting defeat, it's being smart.  You are no good to ANYONE if you can't make it to your commitments on time and prepared.

So now it has come time for a "Come to Jesus" talk, as my mother likes to call them.  You are an adult.  Your decisions should be your own and you should be old enough that your decisions should be sound ones.  You will decide what is important to you and you will realize your limitations and you will commit yourself where it is most prudent.

Or I will do it for you.

No love, once your friend but now your boss with a rapidly failing temper and one hand on the 'fire' button,

MsMerino

Dear Ann Budd...

Oh, the ways you have failed me.  It turns out your "Handy Book of Patterns" is not as handy as one might assume.

I am planning a sweater by an awesome designer, but plan to make it long-sleeved as it will probably get significantly more wear that way.  The pattern includes directions for the long sleeved version, but only includes yarn requirements for the short-sleeved version.  Fair enough.  But since the yarn I'd be buying is only sold in cones, I'd really like to know what to expect.  It's no fun having one long sleeve and one capped sleeve.  Looks damn awkward, I'd imagine.

So I mosey over to my pile of knitting stuff where your book happens to be at the moment, thinking that since your book is so handy that I would be able to open it to the part about sweaters, choose the same gauge and size, and magically have a better idea of the yardage I'd need.  Now, wouldn't that be handy?  Indeed, it would.

BUT NOOOOOO.

All this handy book says is that you will need anywhere from 550-3000 yards depending on size and gauge.  Holy hell, but that is so far from handy it's not even funny.  Also, I've yet to make anything from this book that I actually like.

Handy my ass.

Ms. Merino's Guide to Midwest Travel

Do...

• Check the weather.  It's no fun being surprised by weather.
• Check your car.  It's no fun being surprised by your car.
• Check the time.  It's no fun being surprised by the time.
• Check your itinerary.  It's no fun being surprised by your itinerary.

Don't...

• Be surprised by the weather.  Those meteorologists went to school to know what they're talking about.  So the odds of what they predict is about 50-50.  So don't be surprised when what they say comes true.  Or doesn't, for that matter.
• Be surprised by your car.  Check the oil so the engine doesn't get mad.  Check the windshield fluid levels so you can see when everything goes to hell.  Also recommended is a sense of reality when gathering everything to take with you on your trip.  Your trunk will never successfully channel Mary Poppin's bottomless carpet bag.  Shed a few tears and then move on.
• Be surprised by the time.  Your watch and all your clocks are in fact NOT plotting against you when you look at them only a "few minutes" after you looked last time only to find that your "few minutes" was actually a "few hours".  There are most likely clocks that are plotting the downfall of humanity but they are, mostly likely, not your clocks.
• Be surprised by your itinerary.  Or rather, the complete disintegration of your itinerary.  Trying to schedule last minute errands, work, travel, and a holiday get-together looks great on paper.  Not so much in real life.  

So, how do I know to make all these wonderful tips?  Oh, personal and recent experience.

How things went so wrong:

• The weather.  It sucks.  Rainy and then freezing and then raining again and then more of the freezing.
• The car.  It sucks.  Or rather, I suck for keeping so much crap in it.  This is nothing new, but always surprises me when I go to pack.
• The time.  It sucks.  I will never understand how walking out to the car takes over 8 minutes.  To any physicists reading looking for warps in the time-space continuum, I have found one.
• The itinerary.  It sucks.  Or at least mine did today.  It started so well.  I got to Tammany's and made it to work a minute early (woah!).  And that's when it started to go downhill.  Because of the weather, my part-timer couldn't get to work on time.  Because of the weather, I had to spend 20 minutes scraping 1/8" of ice off my car.  Because of the weather, it took four and a half hours to drive 30 miles.

That's the short version.  So I'm vacationing in lovely Anderson, Indiana in the middle of an ice and snow and rain storm.  I'm sooo excited.  Not really.  The roads were terrible and they only salted them after things had frozen.  They were so bad that I was slipping and sliding after inching forward a few feet at a time.  Go Indiana.  So tomorrow the plan is to finish the drive home.  Hopefully not at the same pace.  Because I'd like to get to Detroit sometime before the new year.  And then back to Indy of course where the kitties are fuzzy and hungry.

One more thing from yesterday.

One more thing that I forgot.

1. Disgust:  Whoever declared that 10 pounds equals one dress size (ie lose ten, go down a size) is an freaking idiot.  Should I ever come across the guilty party (who I'm sure is a man, because no woman would ever declare something so asinine and obviously untrue) I shall kick him in his ouchie parts.  So yeah.  Go me.  Only took me 30 pounds to lose a size.  This man should cower in fear and ne'er show his face.

Things from today.

1. Confusion:  Canadian geese.  I'm not confused by their existence (and people say God doesn't have a twisted sense of humor) but more by the fact that I saw a flock of them today.  About 20 of them.  Flying in V formation.  But I saw them flying at 9 at night.  And I saw them flying north.  So it seems like they're confused too.
2. Disappointment:  Starbucks Salted Caramel Signature Hot Chocolate.  The Signature part?  Blech.  We are, all of us, a result of our upbringings.  Thus, I expect my hot chocolate to taste like sugar and milk chocolate and even more sugar.  I can appreciate the idea of going all gourmet with designer drinks.  But dont't. mess. with. my. hot chocolate.  Also, the Salted Caramel?  Not so much with the caramel because there was none to be found actually in the hot chocolate--lots of disappointment here!  And the salt was found sprinkled on top of the caramel on top of the whipped cream on top of the hot chocolate.  There's nothing like sipping your hot chocolate and crunching on a big piece of salt.
3. Shocked:  Put the icicle lights up at work today and tried to finagle a way to get an extension cord from the outside to the inside without getting the cord stuck in the door.  Instead, managed to use the metal door to slice completely through the extension cord WHILE IT WAS PLUGGED IN AND ON.  Note to self:  do not repeat.  Luckily, I wasn't touching the door, no one was hurt, etc.  But the loud pop and big flare and burning smell were a bit of a surprise.
4. Torn:  I went with Tammany to a yarn store today for a felting adventure (more on that below) and was hoping to find a color card for Cascade 220 so I could order some yarn for the Amelia cardi.  The first time I'd asked for one the ladies working there had no idea if the store even owned one.  Very helpful.  There was one today but...there were only a few dozen colors.  For a yarn line that has probably closer to a hundred.  So not all that helpful.  So the torn part is this:  I know of a store that has a complete color card for the solids and heathers of 220.  But it's not the store where I would be buying the yarn.  Shady or not shady?
5. Fulfilled:  Or full-felted if you want to be cheesy about it.  The felting party was a complete, nerve-wracking success.  Two pairs of Fiber Trends felted clogs knitted and now two pairs felted.  There was some serious anxiety on my part because 1) if there was disaster, I wouldn't have enough time to make more in time for Giftmas and b) if there was a disaster, I'd have to buy more yarn.  Normally I'm all for buying yarn but gift yarn is different and yarn money is kind of limited.

What Tiny Tim Never Understood.

And that is why the bebbeh Jeebus cries and I call it giftmas.

Now here's hoping I get some really good stuff.  Teehee.

What does it say about me?

That when I see the Yahoo logo...

...and the skater girl goes skating and jumping and spinning across the pond...

...I will keep rolling over it to see what happens and end up kind of disappointed that she doesn't end up falling through a hole in the ice?  Hmm.

Holiday guilt.

If there is one thing that is universal, it's guilt.  Even more universal (if that's possible and for now let's assume it is) is holiday guilt.  This is what they should put in christmas stories that you hear by the fireside and in winter jingles that are supposed to perk you up but just end up being depressing when you hear them in November.

Today's guilty dilemma:  the donating of the blood.  I will always be thankful to my mother for dragging me along as a kid with her when, like the decent person she is, she donated her maximum four times a year.  It always surprises me that donating blood is still so sweepingly unpopular.  I remember in high school that it was the cool thing to do because you got an awesome sticker that had magical powers to make people be nice to you because you gave.  I don't know if it's the fact that you have to take a measly 30 minutes out of a busy schedule to go and give someone a pint of life or if it's something completely different.  But I do think that our lives (and society in general) is all about convenience (fast food, anyone?) and donating is often seen as too much of an inconvenience.

Well.  Imagine being the one injured and needing a transfusion.  Those things are just so inconvenient too.

Anyhoo, my holiday guilt right now is split.  See, I have this big list of knitted things to finish before the big G (Giftmas, or Christmas for all you still fooled into thinking all this commercial crap is done in the name of Jeebus).  And to get all of it done, I'm going to need my left arm. 

And therein lies the conflict.  If they take blood out of my left arm (because apparently that's the only one that works) I will fall even further behind.  Which is not good.  

But...I can always knit after the holidays (though dammit this was going to be the year I got stuff done) but if someone needs blood it's not like they can wait, ya know?  So yes.  I am going.  I only considered postponing for about 3 seconds.  But I still feel the guilt that I was willing, even for 3 seconds, to put fiber (some lovely fiber at that) above someone's bleeding ulcer/severed arm/ruptured spleen.

So when my family is making fun of me (don't you just love family...*grumblegrumble*) remind me to show them my HUGE AND AMAZINGLY UGLY BRUISE that I got while saving someone's life.

PS--Oh, and for today's knitting content...

Forgive the crappy Photo Booth picture but that's the back of the Misbehavin' vest.  ALMOST FREAKING DONE.  That finishing of objects thing I mentioned?  It might happen yet.  The blanket is on row 109 of 121 and if I don't make it all the way through the chart I won't be disappointed at all.  It shall be all blocked and pretty this Saturday (thanks to T for the use of her tub and carpet woot).  I still hate gloves with a passion previously unknown to man and beast, but they shall be done too.  Also, clogs will be officially done tomorrow! when T and I going a-felting.  Woot!

Totally reasonable? Or...

Overly optimistic and foolishly suicidal?  You decide.

There are 9 days left until Giftmas.  9.  That's it.  And while I am closer this year than any before to actually finishing everything on my list, that little voice of reason in my head is screaming hysterically, "What the hell were you thinking??? You'll never get everything done!!! Abort! Abort! Abort!  Assume the fetal position and begin with the desperate tears!"

Well.  That voice is mighty persuasive, let me tell you.  But my will (otherwise know as a ridiculous sense of determination) is strong and I shall persevere.

The List (with most recent (but not really all that recent) pictures):

Fibertrends Felted Clogs for Cousin 2 -- DONE!

Fibertrends Felted Clogs for Cousin 3 -- DONE!

Hannah Hat for Cousin 3 -- DONE!

Broadstreet-style Mitten/glove things for Cousin 1 -- not so done and make me feel stabbity.  Note to self:  quit it with the gloves.  You don't like them, so don't think that this time will be different.

[no picture...imagine a half-done lonely single glove in navy blue yarn]

Swirling Gauntlets for Cousin 2 -- not so done but rather fun

Hemlock Ring Blanket for the grandparents -- not so done but getting there.....sloooowwly.  I've figured out if I do two rows a day between now and Giftmas I can get it done.  Just realized that I didn't factor in the bind off.  *twitch*

Misbehavin' Vest for mom -- not so done and the pattern writer makes me feel stabbity.  You cannot write "as the spirit moves you" on a pattern and not expect me to take your name in vain.

Dr. G's Memory Vest for pops -- not so done and in fact barely started.  I've accepted that there is no way that I can get it done in time, especially with everything else.  But as the smaller stuff gets done, I can at least get started.

Brigid socks for aunt 1 and 2 -- not so done....and these are from last Giftmas.  Yes.  I suck.  I know and I've moved on from this.

And there are a couple of pairs of socks for the grandparents which were what they asked for with their Giftmas coupon from last year.  Yeah, not in a rush on either of these.  Oh well.

On the non-fiber front, I was really hoping to have a new job at the beginning of the year.  There is a certain degree of suck and awesome with the new job but overall it would have been a good move.  But I haven't heard from them since November when they said they were going to be hiring over the next 7 months.  Don't they know I have a schedule of my own and they must follow it?  Economy being what it is, it'd be a great opportunity to save money and work a somewhat more life-fulfilling job.  But I am grateful that I still have my job and am not unemployed and filing bankruptcy and living on the street and can still afford the essentials (read:  lovely yarn).

Back to the fiber.  It calls to me.  Did I mention that it tells me shameless lies?  It does.

From the Detroit Free Press...

Pardonnez-moi???

Anyone else sooo not ready for this???

"We've only just begun..."

Seriously.  Summer started yesterday, pretty much.

Right now it's 9:45 p.m.  And it's almost completely dark outside.  

What the freaking fuck.

It's like summer's already over.  Or something.

Okay I just depressed myself a lot.  On to happier things.

Come on, baby, light my fire...

I'm continuing the random titling from yesterday.  Go me.

Today was Stitch & Pitch downtown at the Indy Indians game.

There was no sunburning to speak of.  So, even though they lost to the Mud Hens, I'm counting today as a win.

There was much knitting.  I had the remains of the May Flowers yarn from ThankEwe that I used for my mom's mommy's day socks (which I totally forgot to photograph before gifting...whoops).  Tam was working on her second Augustus Gloop sock, to which I admit I'm kind of partial.  There was someone right behind us who was learning to knit and making some great progress, too.  (Hooray!  ¡Arriba la Knitting Revolución!)  We got some free stuff courtesy of Stitches & Scones.  Okay, it was novelty yarn.  But my sense of thrift (or what some might term an obsessive attraction to all things free or discounted) still has an appreciation for it.

Hmm what else to mention...perhaps...oh...just maybe...THE RED WINGS GAME 4 WIN?!?!?!?

WOOOOOO.

Seriously.  I can't wait for Game 5 (Monday at 8 on NBC).  Favorite and most nerve racking part of the game?  The 1min. and 28sec. that the Wings were down by 2 men.

That's right.  A freaking 5 on 3.

Wings only allowed 1 shot (with no score) during that power play and almost had a goal of their own.  I bow down to their hockey greatness.

Also, before I go to bed so that I can get up and go to work (boo work and its internet-less-ness), I found the Quit Now Challenge.  Pretty much you pledge to give up an addiction of your choice (or more than 1 if you're brave) for one month.  And since it's June that's only 30 days.  Well, 29 for me because I'm starting a day late.

Anyhoo, I'm going to give up/change behavior regarding the following.  Let's see how long I last.  Woot.

(ETA 7/1: This part deleted because I did, well, none of what I said I was going to and I don't want to shame myself.  That is all.)

That's all I've got for now.  I reserve the right to alter goals as I see fit, so there.

Time for bed.  Boo work.  Here's hoping we have power (okay, I might be kind of wishing we're still without power) and internet.  Dear god or god-like figure, please give me back the interwebs...the compulsive internetting mentioned above is only regarding internetting spent at home.  Work doesn't count, says I.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel...

from top to bottom:

succulents--blue carpet sedum, cascade sedum, jelly bean sedum, and two hens & chicks

succulents chilling in the window

near--gerbera daisy in third bloom (woot!), far--begonias, way far--aloe

dwarf hidcote english lavender...from seeds!  i grew those!

big growing thing--orange mint, wee barely growing thing--genovese basil

Yay plants I haven't yet killed!  The succulents and the orange mint--which smells absolutely AMAZING...I can even smell it in the other room--are recent purchases from Habig (local garden mecca store).  Also purchased two ferns--autumn and dwarf holly--that have joined my lemon button fern in my shower window.

What's left of it, that is.

This one's not my fault.  At all.  A lovely little caterpillar decided to have half of my fern for lunch.  And then decided he liked it so much that he made his cocoon there.

Bastard.

So.  The little bugger took a flight out the window and my fern is taking it all in stride by trying to seed my ENTIRE SHOWER.  Really.  Little black seeds all over the window sill and tub.

Lovely.

Oh well.

That's the plant report until something either very good or very bad happens.  I'm planning to order a bunch of seeds from Seeds of Change.  I'm not really set up to grow veggies so I'm thinking just herbs.  Though I do want to try some lettuces and an upside-down tomato plant.

Oh, and because someone complained about the content of this blog...or lackthereof...

yarn:  hand-dyed by ThankEwe in Scuba Dive

needles:  4 US 1, 2.25mm

These are the completed hockey socks...that I started in March.  Granted, I finished them in April.  But yes, I suck so I'm only just now posting them.  Eh.

ETA:  Oh and if you're wondering...there is no cleverness involved with the titling of this post.  That's just all I could think of.

Don't bugs talk to each other?

By now you'd think they'd have spread the word that bugs that dare to venture into my domain don't last very long.  That they'd at least chat each other up.

Ant:  "Yo Bob, haven't seen Chuck in a while.  You heard from him recently?"

Earwig:  "No, Janice, haven't seen him since he went into that crazy bitch's apartment.  You know, the one that plays one hell of a squeaky clarinet.  Come to think of it, Frank went in there last week and I haven't been able to find him either."

Ant:  "Strange.  Think it's a coincidence?"

Just now, I found a big sucker that looked like this in my kitchen.

How dare it.

Needless to say, it be dead.  And I may have loudly proclaimed "Eww!" upon first seeing it but at least I did not squeal and scream like a girl.

It's the small victories in life, after all.

I *heart* the Harlot.

Like you didn't already know that, right?  Today/tonight was sooper terrific.  I'm pretty sure it'll take me days, nay, weeks (okay I might be exaggerating) to process and recover from tonight's festivities but, man, was.it.worth.it.  A quick run-down of the evening.

3:30ish

Picked up Tammany and made our way to the Barnes & Noble in Carmel.

3:45ish

Got to B&N, played with the basket o' buttons, selected one (green, woo!), and purchased the four books by the great (we're not worthy) Stephanie Pearl-McPhee that I didn't own.  I'm still not sure if I got scammed by the cashier dude (talked me into buying the B&N membership card...10% off stuff or something).

4:00ish (there was a lot of -ish going on)

Found our seats, and most will never believe that we were not the first people there...for a reading by a knitting humorist.  Seriously.

 

^first pic of the night...Tammany begins to question my mental health, I think.

4:45ish

Tam and I get in line for book signing tickets.  Again, not the first to arrive.

5:00ish

Back in our seats.  The countdown begins anew.

^These are the lovely knitters who were "lucky" enough to sit near us.  Ha.  They were indeed lovely people who put up with my strange computer photo-taking.  Love you guys, seriously.

6:00ish

Still awaiting the arrival of the Harlot.  Lots more people have arrived.  See?

^more of the wonderfully patient and obliging knitters

6:30ish

The drawing-of-the-names for door-prizes donated by Stitches & Scones.  And.....I won one of them!  Woo!  Two balls of Panda Wool in Basil Curry (#443), a ruler, a Circular Solution port-a-pocket bag, and a coupon for 15% off a purchase at SnS.  Woot!

^Ooh!  Lookit!  15% off!  Oh, the damage I could do...

^Hmm, what shall I make of this (free!) sock yarn?

^Bet you didn't know a bag could double as a hat like that.  Ha.

6:45ish

Final pictures taken of the audience.  I amused some and annoyed others, I imagine.  But, I enjoyed myself, ha!

7:00ish

Indiana freaks Stephanie out as we (finally) execute a group wave (as seen at baseball games) in her honor.  Stand-up routine follows.  Huh.Larious.  Seriously funny and clever lady.

9:00ish

Got to meet Stephanie, had wonderful conversation regarding Post-its, had all my new books signed, she worked my compy (same as hers) and got some pictures with and without the sock.

cross your fingers...i know i've got mine crossed.  can't say why just yet...but cross 'em just in case.  now excuse me while i go over there ==> to hide and mumble to myself in the corner.  thanks.

Meet Liam.

Liam Wolfgang Sebastian Plank.  Really.  What were they thinking?!  Anywho....Meet Liam.

The requisite cute, happy baby picture.

You can't understand just how much this picture brands the kid as a Moreno.  The ears, the nose (oh, the nose), and the general look of suspicion.

Yep.  He's a Moreno.

And the last....which I must admit is my favorite.

Hello, angry baby full of bitterness!  Welcome to la familia!  You'll never be able to escape!