Chivalry is dead.

Today wasn't all that remarkable, as far as days go.  That is, until I tried to leave work.

I turn off the shop lights, shut down the computer, set the alarm, lock the door, ponder the fun I will have scraping a quarter inch of ice off my windshield, walk to my parallel-parked car...and just stare at it for a while.  

Well, crap.

The lovely and thoughtful motorist driving the car in front of mine felt the overwhelming need to park their car a mere SIX AND ONE HALF INCHES FROM MINE.  (Yes, I measured.)  This might not have been a problem had the lovely and thoughtful motorist driving the car behind mine not done the same.

I'll say it again.  Crap.

So I did the logical thing and sifted through my options.

1. Wait in the store for one or both of those fine people to show up and kindly move their vehicle that I might move mine.  Nope, too much like a doormat.  I'd never forgive myself.
2. Walk home.  Nope, doable but hell...it's cold.
3. Go check at every restaurant in a two block radius for the owner and politely request that they attend to their car.  Nope, not my job, and I most assuredly would not have been polite.  And it's cold, remember?
4. Use my little Saturn to, ehrm, "redesign" the cars' bumpers to the point that I have enough room to maneuver.  Nope, while this would be oh-so-satisfying...I doubt I'd have the balls to go through with it.  Plus, in all likelihood, I'd only end up redesigning my own wee plastic car.
5. Go back in the warm store, call the police, let them tow the car, and then go home.  Yep, this is what I went with.

So, an hour after I tried to get in my car and leave, a cop shows up.  Sirens blaring and lights flashing and everything.  So the cop went and did cop things, including #3 from above.  She managed to find the Schmuck that had the bad judgement to park his car illegally behind mine.  (Did I mention he was parked illegally?  Yep, he was.)  So they come back as I'm scraping my car, which was about as much fun as I figured it would be (read: no fun at all), and it turns out that Schmuck is a Horizon league referee in town to ref the Butler Basketball game, I assume.  And the following conversation unfolded as I scraped my car:

Schmuck:  "Hey, that your car?  Young lady, that your car?"

Me:  *unbelieving stare at the ridiculous amount of belligerence in his tone*

Schmuck:  "What's your problem?!  There's plenty of room.  A little effort next time, huh?  I'm parked legally.  I don't know what your problem is.  How much room do you need?"

Me:  "Well, enough that I can actually move the car without getting your silver paint all over my bumper.  Two feet of space would be great."  

(Did I mention he drives a silver Ford Escape?  Yep.  So anytime you see a silver Ford Escape in the midwest, feel free to key it for me.)

Schmuck:  "You got two feet.  There's a foot there *gestures to the front of my car* and a foot there.  *gestures to the rear*  That's two feet."

Me, after some more staring:  "Actually, it's only 6 1/2 inches.  I measured.  Pft.  Is that the kind of judgement you use when you ref games?  No wonder you're still stuck in the Horizon league."

Schmuck, now very red in the face:  "Fine, let's go.  Move your car."

Me, not so much staring anymore as coming up with creative new uses for the extendo-windshield scraperbrush in my pissed off little hands:  "Uhm, no.  I still have to close my shop and finish scraping my car."

Schmuck:  "Are you kidding?  You had an hour to do that."

Me, beyond caring, totally losing it, and gesturing wildly with the aforementioned scraper:  "Dude, you are the one who blocked me in, wasting an hour of my life.  Yaknowhat?  You're on my time, now.  Stop complaining."

Schmuck, not taking this well:  *manly groan of frustration and contempt followed by him getting into his car, slamming the door and moving it back about 8 inches, turning it off and getting out in a very pissed off fashion*

Copper, who until this point had just been watching and being police-like:  "Sir, you're now parked illegally.  Please move your vehicle."

I cannot even begin to express how much I laughed when the po-po made the guy move his car AGAIN...and to the parking lot not 150 feet away.  

So, I finished scraping my car, closed up shop (again), and finally got home over an hour after closing time.  

Where I promptly opened a bottle of shiraz and got my drink on.  Two-buck Chuck saves the day.

Fin.

Bestest Valentine's Day Evar!

Yes, I realize it is not yet February 14th...what's your point.  I heard about the Need a Little Knitting Romance Swap thing on the Lime&Violet message boards and thought to myself, "Hey why not?"  So today...I got my package from my secret swap partner.  And she is fabulous!!!!

You can check out the rest of the pictures I took on my flickr (because blogger is waaay too slow and I am waaay too impatient and I'm sure that's no surprise).

This was a great surprise at the end of a less-than-inspirational day and my gifting partner Jenna (does that makes sense?) is so far beyond amazing it's unreal.  So, serious thanks go to her for this awesome swap!

ETA:  I will shamelessly admit that I have tried out both of the lip balmies and the notepad is already on my fridge.  I will show some kind of restraint, though, and save the chocolate for Vday.  Hooray!

"Wait...What?!?" Moment of the Day, 29 Jan

From Yahoo! News , article entitled "First Antarctic marine census launched":

U.S., New Zealand, and Italian marine scientists began a two-month voyage to Antarctica's northern coast Tuesday as part of the first-ever census of Antarctic marine diversity, Prime Minister Helen Clark said.

Anyone else see a problem with this? Let's think...it's freaking Antarctica. Couldn't--nay, shouldn't--all coasts be considered northern? For that matter, would Antarctica even technically have more than one coast?

ETA--For the record, I didn't even finish reading the article because I was so bothered by the first paragraph (can one sentence be considered a paragraph?).  I do have some intention of skimming the rest of it at some point, someday.  Maybe.

holiday knitting

• Brigid socks from Goddess Knits.  4 pair.
• Cashmere Neckwarmer from Kim at Yarnabuse.com
• Fair Isle Gloves.  Pattern from Ann Budd's Handy Book O' Patterns and chart from Vogue Stitchionary Vol.3
• Dashing from Knitty
• Shash-busting iPod Cozy from Bonnie at Toward the Blue Peninsula.  2 small cozies.

Oy.  Okay.  Ready go.

(Oh and if you have any ideas for my grandparents...feel free to suggest.)

check the counter above

i claim this as vacation yarn. that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

le sigh.

ugh *headdesk*

i'm such a joiner...i joined mystery stole 3. i don't even wear stoles. nor do i have the yarn or the time to make a stole. my reasoning was this: i don't have to make it right now and i'm such a pattern collector that i might as well. (seriously. i have about a bajillion patterns saved to my favorites folder and i often just sit and look at them all.) ugh.

joiner! *points*
(ps...sign ups for ms3 close on friday...you too can be a joiner...i'm an enabler too did i mention that?)

on the sockapalooooza front, i'm half an inch away from heel-flapping sock #1...it's about time. i'm doing pomotamus (is that how you spell it? it never looks quite right...) for my sockpal. i asked her if there were any patterns that she liked but won't (or just hasn't) made for herself and this one was on her list (thanks to my sockpal for this idea!). but really pomotamus almost killed me 4 times...that's the number of times i had to RIP IT OUT. note: tofutsies doesn't take frogging well. not at all. but it is uber pet-able and has a really soft wool smell...i'm starting to love the smell of wool...very comforting...go figure. i was hoping to be able to dye some yarn for my sockpal and then knit her socks from that but after spending over $250 on trips home (still trying to figure out how i'm going to afford gas to go home for the graduation party extravaganza) and 2+ months of unemployment (and my former supervisor failing to sign my last time sheet...still arguing over this) the dyeing is on hold........

i want to dye NOW

i'm not impatient at all...hokay enough posting...have to move more stuff to the new apt tomorrow...such a pain in the ass...but i'm hoping to be able to sleep there tonight...or at least by saturday. we'll see. cross your fingers that it rains already so there's no death by humidity.

you know you're getting old when...

...the one thing that made summer the bestest thing ever is now the FREAKING BANE OF YOUR NOW-MISERABLE EXISTANCE. What is this tool of pure evil? This incessant proof that there is nothing good left in this world (yarn and puppies and coffee excepted)?

THE FREAKING ICE CREAM TRUCK.

That's right. The ice cream truck. Not too long ago (okay last summer) I still enjoyed this personal yummy delivery system. I even tolerated the midget people that tried to get in my way and cut in front of me in line. But now? IT'S ON, ICE CREAM TRUCK MAN.

I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MANY HOURS OF 'OH SUZANNAH' AND 'JOY TO THE WORLD' (seasonal relevance, anyone?) BEFORE ALL MY SUMMER GOODWILL IS SPENT AND THE ICE CREAM TRUCK MUST DIE.

Oh, and let's ignore the fact that NONE of the kids in the neighborhood ever buy ice cream. But really. Moral of this post?

THE ICE CREAM TRUCK MUST DIE.

Fin.