Monday, June 22

In no particular order...

Wednesday, January 21

Dear Ann Budd...

I take back most of what I said about you.

I still haven't liked anything I've made from your patterns and your so-called "Handy" pattern book is still not handy, I maintain.


Your "Handy Book of Sweater Patterns" is all I imagined it would be and more. There were actual yardage guidelines in there, and plenty of direction regarding neckline variations.  I'm still disappointed by the first book, but maybe I was expecting too much since it took an entire second book (large too) to give me the info I was looking for.

So, my faith in you is restored.  I know you were worried.

Thursday, January 15

Dear People I Hire...

Stop sucking.  Really.  I don't enjoy firing and I really don't like looking for new employees when the ones I have should, by all accounts, be competent.

I find it hard to believe that you just now found out your performance schedules.  For the record, two of them have been posted since this time last year and the other would have been listed in the group's contract you signed in August.

And if you can't keep track of your rehearsal schedule, maybe it's time to pare it down a little.  That's not admitting defeat, it's being smart.  You are no good to ANYONE if you can't make it to your commitments on time and prepared.

So now it has come time for a "Come to Jesus" talk, as my mother likes to call them.  You are an adult.  Your decisions should be your own and you should be old enough that your decisions should be sound ones.  You will decide what is important to you and you will realize your limitations and you will commit yourself where it is most prudent.

Or I will do it for you.

No love, once your friend but now your boss with a rapidly failing temper and one hand on the 'fire' button,


Monday, January 12

Dear Ann Budd...

Oh, the ways you have failed me.  It turns out your "Handy Book of Patterns" is not as handy as one might assume.

I am planning a sweater by an awesome designer, but plan to make it long-sleeved as it will probably get significantly more wear that way.  The pattern includes directions for the long sleeved version, but only includes yarn requirements for the short-sleeved version.  Fair enough.  But since the yarn I'd be buying is only sold in cones, I'd really like to know what to expect.  It's no fun having one long sleeve and one capped sleeve.  Looks damn awkward, I'd imagine.

So I mosey over to my pile of knitting stuff where your book happens to be at the moment, thinking that since your book is so handy that I would be able to open it to the part about sweaters, choose the same gauge and size, and magically have a better idea of the yardage I'd need.  Now, wouldn't that be handy?  Indeed, it would.


All this handy book says is that you will need anywhere from 550-3000 yards depending on size and gauge.  Holy hell, but that is so far from handy it's not even funny.  Also, I've yet to make anything from this book that I actually like.

Handy my ass.

Tuesday, December 23

Ms. Merino's Guide to Midwest Travel

  • Check the weather.  It's no fun being surprised by weather.
  • Check your car.  It's no fun being surprised by your car.
  • Check the time.  It's no fun being surprised by the time.
  • Check your itinerary.  It's no fun being surprised by your itinerary.
  • Be surprised by the weather.  Those meteorologists went to school to know what they're talking about.  So the odds of what they predict is about 50-50.  So don't be surprised when what they say comes true.  Or doesn't, for that matter.
  • Be surprised by your car.  Check the oil so the engine doesn't get mad.  Check the windshield fluid levels so you can see when everything goes to hell.  Also recommended is a sense of reality when gathering everything to take with you on your trip.  Your trunk will never successfully channel Mary Poppin's bottomless carpet bag.  Shed a few tears and then move on.
  • Be surprised by the time.  Your watch and all your clocks are in fact NOT plotting against you when you look at them only a "few minutes" after you looked last time only to find that your "few minutes" was actually a "few hours".  There are most likely clocks that are plotting the downfall of humanity but they are, mostly likely, not your clocks.
  • Be surprised by your itinerary.  Or rather, the complete disintegration of your itinerary.  Trying to schedule last minute errands, work, travel, and a holiday get-together looks great on paper.  Not so much in real life.  
So, how do I know to make all these wonderful tips?  Oh, personal and recent experience.

How things went so wrong:
  • The weather.  It sucks.  Rainy and then freezing and then raining again and then more of the freezing.
  • The car.  It sucks.  Or rather, I suck for keeping so much crap in it.  This is nothing new, but always surprises me when I go to pack.
  • The time.  It sucks.  I will never understand how walking out to the car takes over 8 minutes.  To any physicists reading looking for warps in the time-space continuum, I have found one.
  • The itinerary.  It sucks.  Or at least mine did today.  It started so well.  I got to Tammany's and made it to work a minute early (woah!).  And that's when it started to go downhill.  Because of the weather, my part-timer couldn't get to work on time.  Because of the weather, I had to spend 20 minutes scraping 1/8" of ice off my car.  Because of the weather, it took four and a half hours to drive 30 miles.
That's the short version.  So I'm vacationing in lovely Anderson, Indiana in the middle of an ice and snow and rain storm.  I'm sooo excited.  Not really.  The roads were terrible and they only salted them after things had frozen.  They were so bad that I was slipping and sliding after inching forward a few feet at a time.  Go Indiana.  So tomorrow the plan is to finish the drive home.  Hopefully not at the same pace.  Because I'd like to get to Detroit sometime before the new year.  And then back to Indy of course where the kitties are fuzzy and hungry.

Saturday, December 20

One more thing from yesterday.

One more thing that I forgot.
  1. Disgust:  Whoever declared that 10 pounds equals one dress size (ie lose ten, go down a size) is an freaking idiot.  Should I ever come across the guilty party (who I'm sure is a man, because no woman would ever declare something so asinine and obviously untrue) I shall kick him in his ouchie parts.  So yeah.  Go me.  Only took me 30 pounds to lose a size.  This man should cower in fear and ne'er show his face.

Friday, December 19

Things from today.

  1. Confusion:  Canadian geese.  I'm not confused by their existence (and people say God doesn't have a twisted sense of humor) but more by the fact that I saw a flock of them today.  About 20 of them.  Flying in V formation.  But I saw them flying at 9 at night.  And I saw them flying north.  So it seems like they're confused too.
  2. Disappointment:  Starbucks Salted Caramel Signature Hot Chocolate.  The Signature part?  Blech.  We are, all of us, a result of our upbringings.  Thus, I expect my hot chocolate to taste like sugar and milk chocolate and even more sugar.  I can appreciate the idea of going all gourmet with designer drinks.  But dont't. mess. with. my. hot chocolate.  Also, the Salted Caramel?  Not so much with the caramel because there was none to be found actually in the hot chocolate--lots of disappointment here!  And the salt was found sprinkled on top of the caramel on top of the whipped cream on top of the hot chocolate.  There's nothing like sipping your hot chocolate and crunching on a big piece of salt.
  3. Shocked:  Put the icicle lights up at work today and tried to finagle a way to get an extension cord from the outside to the inside without getting the cord stuck in the door.  Instead, managed to use the metal door to slice completely through the extension cord WHILE IT WAS PLUGGED IN AND ON.  Note to self:  do not repeat.  Luckily, I wasn't touching the door, no one was hurt, etc.  But the loud pop and big flare and burning smell were a bit of a surprise.
  4. Torn:  I went with Tammany to a yarn store today for a felting adventure (more on that below) and was hoping to find a color card for Cascade 220 so I could order some yarn for the Amelia cardi.  The first time I'd asked for one the ladies working there had no idea if the store even owned one.  Very helpful.  There was one today but...there were only a few dozen colors.  For a yarn line that has probably closer to a hundred.  So not all that helpful.  So the torn part is this:  I know of a store that has a complete color card for the solids and heathers of 220.  But it's not the store where I would be buying the yarn.  Shady or not shady?
  5. Fulfilled:  Or full-felted if you want to be cheesy about it.  The felting party was a complete, nerve-wracking success.  Two pairs of Fiber Trends felted clogs knitted and now two pairs felted.  There was some serious anxiety on my part because 1) if there was disaster, I wouldn't have enough time to make more in time for Giftmas and b) if there was a disaster, I'd have to buy more yarn.  Normally I'm all for buying yarn but gift yarn is different and yarn money is kind of limited.

the problem with her is she lacks the power of conversation but not speech.