Wednesday, January 21

Dear Ann Budd...

I take back most of what I said about you.

I still haven't liked anything I've made from your patterns and your so-called "Handy" pattern book is still not handy, I maintain.


Your "Handy Book of Sweater Patterns" is all I imagined it would be and more. There were actual yardage guidelines in there, and plenty of direction regarding neckline variations.  I'm still disappointed by the first book, but maybe I was expecting too much since it took an entire second book (large too) to give me the info I was looking for.

So, my faith in you is restored.  I know you were worried.

Thursday, January 15

Dear People I Hire...

Stop sucking.  Really.  I don't enjoy firing and I really don't like looking for new employees when the ones I have should, by all accounts, be competent.

I find it hard to believe that you just now found out your performance schedules.  For the record, two of them have been posted since this time last year and the other would have been listed in the group's contract you signed in August.

And if you can't keep track of your rehearsal schedule, maybe it's time to pare it down a little.  That's not admitting defeat, it's being smart.  You are no good to ANYONE if you can't make it to your commitments on time and prepared.

So now it has come time for a "Come to Jesus" talk, as my mother likes to call them.  You are an adult.  Your decisions should be your own and you should be old enough that your decisions should be sound ones.  You will decide what is important to you and you will realize your limitations and you will commit yourself where it is most prudent.

Or I will do it for you.

No love, once your friend but now your boss with a rapidly failing temper and one hand on the 'fire' button,


Monday, January 12

Dear Ann Budd...

Oh, the ways you have failed me.  It turns out your "Handy Book of Patterns" is not as handy as one might assume.

I am planning a sweater by an awesome designer, but plan to make it long-sleeved as it will probably get significantly more wear that way.  The pattern includes directions for the long sleeved version, but only includes yarn requirements for the short-sleeved version.  Fair enough.  But since the yarn I'd be buying is only sold in cones, I'd really like to know what to expect.  It's no fun having one long sleeve and one capped sleeve.  Looks damn awkward, I'd imagine.

So I mosey over to my pile of knitting stuff where your book happens to be at the moment, thinking that since your book is so handy that I would be able to open it to the part about sweaters, choose the same gauge and size, and magically have a better idea of the yardage I'd need.  Now, wouldn't that be handy?  Indeed, it would.


All this handy book says is that you will need anywhere from 550-3000 yards depending on size and gauge.  Holy hell, but that is so far from handy it's not even funny.  Also, I've yet to make anything from this book that I actually like.

Handy my ass.

the problem with her is she lacks the power of conversation but not speech.